Because I Said So Doesn’t Work for You
Posted on July 20th, 2009 by Cynthia D'Amour
You’re not my parent.
As kids we ask lots of questions - why do I have to…
- Clean my room?
- Be nice to my brother?
- Eat my veggies?
Sometimes parents explain the why.
- Other times they fall back on the time-honored, traditional answer.
- “Because I said so.”
- (It’s a parent’s privilege - or so I’ve been told.)
We zoom forward to adulthood.
- Serve as leaders.
- In a time of great change.
- And lots of transitions.
You analyze options to determine best actions.
- Think every angle has been covered.
- Present the new plan to your team with a flourish.
- And to your amazement hear, “Why are we doing it that way?”
Your jaw hits the floor!
- Were they not listening?
- Didn’t they withness your brilliance?
- Don’t they understand you made tough decisions?
“Because I said so!” is such a tempting answer.
- Stamp down rebellion.
- Get them in lock step.
- March into the future using your plan.
The challenge: Blind faith is out of style.
- And you are working with adults.
- People can’t appreciate what they don’t understand.
- Forced will kills morale.
So what do you do?
- Polish your people skills.
- Learn how to manage change.
- Involve your team in the process - rather than be a bossy parent.
Your team will go farther faster with you when you don’t treat them like children.
Makes me think of chapter leaders…Does your leadership team know how to to manage the changes facing your chapter - without going parental on volunteers?
Filed under: Savvy Leadership
I like what you wrote, people can’t appreciate what they don’t understand. I’d like to offer a spin on that too: people don’t know what they don’t know.
So could you write more about “what do you do when you’re in that situation?”
Give some example of next steps or helpful hints. Polish your people skills is a step in the right direction. What do you really mean by that?
Thanks for fleshing this out a bit.
Hey Jeff!
And a compliment to people don’t know what they don’t know - how many of your members are psychics?
Good challenge on asking for more. Let me think about it and post tomorrow. You are right about needing better definitions - it’s not something lightweight.
I want to come up with a story to showcase what I mean.
In the meanwhile, anyone else want to take a crack at Jeff’s challenge?
Okay Jeff. So I’ve been playing with things and am too opinionated and passionate about the subject to limit myself to usual style. So I’m answering here.
My initial advice would be to not get yourself in that position in the first place.
We live in a time where team members demand meaningful relevant value. They are looking to flex their creativity. If this was a job situation, the silence until complete plan could fan fear and cause people to shut down.
I’m a big fan of more open communication and whole group probably solving. Or at least involving cross function teams.
Explain what’s going on. Encourage team members to get creative and come up wtih new ways to work towards goals.
It’s much quicker to involve the team on the front end - than have them check out of the process your command and control approach on the back end.
You waste less time selling your brilliance when you have pulled ideas from your team - and allowed them to put thumbprints on the process.
Polishing people skills includes making the other’s a priority. As a chapter leader, your goal is to get move the mission forward - and take others with you to secure the future of the chapter.
When you get overly focused on action and forget the people involved, you project a message of we don’t need you here.
A good leader understands people learn in different ways and knows how to work and deliver messages so all can hear.
You know people think at different speeds. Some analyze in the moment. Others need time to play with the information.
You need to know how to pull ideas from all your team - not just your avid supporters.
We’ve run experiments in 10 minute team meetings. We ask someone to be the quiet person and not speak unless prompted by someone else. It’s not uncommon for them to go entire 10 minutes ignored. Even though they may have a brilliant suggestion.
Leaders need to understand people enough to know how they are impacting them. Do you run an open and safe table? Or do you shut down conversations with the lift of an eyebrow?
Are you willing to let go of being right in order to find and create the best solution for the challenge at hand?
Are you comfortable having multiple points of view at the table - and encourage the process to find best set for solution?
Do you talk using words your teammates understand? For example, there are a lot of social media terms that leave folks behind. Just because they don’t know - not because they can’t understand.
Do you know how to steer the team to come to the best decisions? Have you learned how to facilitate effective meetings?
Do you understand the basics of change management? That resistance is natural - not an insult?
That timing can make a big difference in how things are accepted? That taking breaks encourages processing and acceptance?
And even if folks agree to a change, you still need to have a plan in place to help the new experience become the norm? To freeze the new way in place. Otherwise, things will go back to “normal” in the flash of an eye.
There are many different soft skills leaders can develop to be more effective.
We created the Chapter Leaders Playground because most associations can only spend a day or two training their President-Elects. This depth of training takes more time and can build across years.
Leadership skills such as these are needed at every level - especially the committee level - which is the frontline of your chapter.
People can learn to be amazing leaders. But if no one teaches them, they fall back on what they know. Often the most consistent leaders in their life have been their parents - and thus “Because I said so!”
Those are great tips! Thank you for taking the time to put that together. Looks like you have Tuesday’s blog post right there!
Thanks for checking back Jeff!