What’s Wrong with This Renewal E-mail?

Posted on March 2nd, 2009 by Cynthia D'Amour

   Lots of things.

I don’t usually put emails in my blog post.

  • I don’t want people to be scared to write me.
  • But this one begged the action.
  • There is so much to learn from it - about what not to do.

Here’s the set:

  • No paid dues to this association in two years.
  • Attended nothing.
  • Got periodic emails - not consistently.

Here’s the email (with ID removed to protect the not so innocent):

Cynthia D’Amour
(My email address here.)

Good Afternoon! I am currently the Chairman of the Board of XYZ Association.   I know you are busy so I won’t take a lot of your time.  You have been a member of XYZ, and for that, we are grateful. I understand times are tight and we are all considering what we will maintain and what we will have to let go. XYZ plans to turn non-renewals into non-members today,  and all member benefits will cease.  Your XYZ Board and Staff are hoping you will continue your membership. More than ever, you need XYZ, and we need you!  Continuing education and networking assists in times of economic downturn; most defintely they will make us successful at what we do for our businesses.

Join me in retaining XYZ membership.  Thank you!

Julie Doe

What’s wrong with this retention email?

  • First of all, it isn’t warm.
  • The board chair doesn’t care about me and if I’m okay.
  • The association just wants my money - or so it feels.

There is little reason given for me to renew.

  • The board chair tells me the economy is challenged.
  • She informs me I will be turned off today.
  • Member benefits will cease! (Where they ever on?)

The board chair forgot about me in her writing!

  • Why should I care?
  • How is the association helping me?
  • Especially in  - or in spite of - this challenged economy?

Another thing - the formatting needs work.

  • It’s one grey blob of text with never-ending sentences.
  • Not easy to skim.
  • Definitely easy to delete.

The best thing I can get from this renewal request…

  • A great example of how not to do it.
  • The association staffer who wrote this email really needs to attend the Playground’s copywriting webinar this Wednesday
  • Will teach them how to be a truly persuasive writer!

There is no room for poor copywriting when budgets are tight.

Makes me think of chapter leaders…who do you ask to review your copywriting before sending to members?

Filed under: Board challenges, Keeping members

« They Trained Me to Have Control Have a Heart »

5 Responses to “What’s Wrong with This Renewal E-mail?”

  1. Maggie, on March 4th, 2009 at 8:54 am Said:

    Are you kidding me? What is this–a ransom note? “Either pay today or we will cut your benefits immediately. Period.”

    What if you didn’t get the email that day? What if they had the wrong email address for you and you never got it?

    And don’t even get me started on the writing itself…

    So please tell me you wrote this person back and told them that you were considering renewing but as a result of this email decided not to. And if you didn’t, can I do it?!

    The opposite of this email was a letter I recently got from either PBS or WETA–can’t remember which. It was sort of the same message–we are in financial crisis mode and without your donation we will basically fold. But it was worded in such a way that it was–unlike this email–all about the recipient. What they would lose–but somehow written so that it came across not as begging but just down-to-earth and honest. I liked it so much I saved it and meant to email them telling them how it was an awesome letter but somehow since lost it.

    That letter was proof of your point–it was extremely well-written and, as a result, very persuasive.

  2. rachael, on March 4th, 2009 at 8:02 pm Said:

    Great blog! There is some wonderful information here–Keep up the great work.

  3. Cynthia D'Amour, on March 4th, 2009 at 11:46 pm Said:

    @Maggie: No I don’t plan to renew. I haven’t been a member for two years. This email did not change my mind.

    This is the same group I blogged about a few months ago who sent me simply an invoice for dues. No letter, not benefits, just a bill. That didn’t work for me either.

    I love when I get well written letters. They don’t come often enough!

    @rachael - Thanks for stopping by and the nice props! Hope to hear from you again soon.

  4. And Another Thing…. « aLearning Blog, on March 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Said:

    [...] by Ellen on March 8, 2009 Thanks, Cynthia, for a great post about what NOT to do when appealing to members for renewals. Trainers will tell [...]

  5. John Taylor, on April 23rd, 2009 at 6:34 pm Said:

    What a facinating article. I’m looking for a marketing expert to help with a project, could you help?

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